"For Better...Forever!" Discussion, Part I

I recently finished reading For Better…Forever! A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage by Gregory Popcak. Mike and I registered for a few books when we got married and this was one of them. It was a pretty easy read and I wanted to discuss it in three ways…by summarizing the good points, the bad points, and what I found to be as creepy as heck.

Since the creepy part is the easiest and most subjective, I’ll start with that. The book talked about sex quite a bit. I wasn’t too surprised, since it came up quite a bit in our FOCCUS questionnaire, in our pre-marriage discussions with the priest, and in our diocese-sponsored Engagement Enrichment Day. The idea that the Catholic Church disapproves of sex is kind of a myth, and I had gotten over the initial shock of it. And actually, the parts of the book about Natural Family Planning were what I was going to discuss in the good points section. But eventually, as the book delved more and more into the subject it got creepier and creepier. Popcak described the three-way orgasm that should occur between you, your spouse, and God, and how God is intimately involved in lovemaking. I was slightly uncomfortable but sticking with what I thought was a long, long analogy until I got to Popcak’s lovemaking prayer:

Lord, let me kiss her with your lips, love her with your gentle hands, consume her with your undying passion so that I may show her how precious and beautiful she is to you.

That was just too much and I got completely skeeved out. I was all fine and good linking sex and spirituality, but this gets a bit too much into the…mechanics of it all, I guess. It shouldn't freak me out, but it does. I mean, I can’t even go to the bathroom if someone’s standing outside the door. How am I supposed to have sex when God is standing that close?

One of the other notes the book made was that sex needs to be a celebration of marriage, something that’s indulged in frequently and joyfully. It shouldn’t be just something to do at the end of the day if you’re not too tired. And since I’m tired a lot, that’s what it had become for me. So in the spirit of the book I enticed Mike last night. But halfway through I remembered that prayer and kind of froze up. I even considered turning off the lights or pulling the sheet over us, but I thought that would disturb Mike who was still busy. Plus, God can probably see in the dark. When we finished up it wasn’t quite the joyful celebration I meant it to be.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do about this little mental block, but I’ll have to work on it. Mike hasn’t read the book yet, so he’s still feeling pretty normal about the whole thing.