Recently a friend of mine asked me to be her son’s godmother. I agreed happily, but I had one reservation.
“I…uh…they know I’m Catholic, right?” I asked. Her husband is Lutheran, and she converted when they got married.
“Yeah, they know,” she said. “They’re okay with it. They just wanted someone who was Christian and took Communion seriously, and I figured you would since Catholics take everything seriously.”
The whole thing made me happy. When I first met her in college we were sharing an apartment with another mutual friend. I can’t remember what flavor of Christian* she was, but she was slightly leery of Catholics, the way a lot of fundamentalist Christians are. People act like there’s a little bit of voodoo or mysticism mixed in with our religion, something that makes you want to stand back a bit. That’s okay. I did what I always do…not make a big deal out of it. Pretty soon she realized that I was normal and the questions started rolling in…what’s the deal with your services being so long? Why do you go to church on November 1st and New Year’s Day? What’s the deal with First Communion being so early and Confirmation being so late? Why do you do so much standing up and sitting down? I answered the best that I could and soon my religion seemed as normal as hers.
The whole thing validated my point of view, and reinforced the wisdom of St. Francis’ famous quote: “Always preach the gospel. If necessary, use words.” I’ve helped several people, from fundamentalist Christians to adamant atheists, see that there’s nothing wrong with religion. And I did it by being as kind, open, and helpful as I could. If I had yelled and threatened and said they were going to hell for not believing I don’t think I would have won anyone over.
I don’t know if my approach is the right one, but as my friend and I joked around before her son’s baptism it certainly seemed right.
* My husband seemed to think that referring to different types of Christianity as different “flavors” was offensive or flippant. But I use the term “flavor” to describe different types of the same thing, like “My favorite flavor of ‘Law & Order’ is SVU.” So I don’t just use it to describe religion.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Legislating Morality
With the recent Democratic win I've heard some religious Republicans going on about how the country is going to go to hell, and I've seen petitions asking Obama to consider the Christian position on abortion, gay rights, and other issues.
Now, I'm about as Catholic as they come, and yet...I wonder whether we really should be legislating morality.
I guess I don't understand. For one thing, the religious right is selective about what it chooses to legislate. They go after gay marriage because they say it's immoral, and yet they don't make a move to herd people into church, or stop using the Lord's name in vain, or stop adultering (adulterating? adulterring? committing adultery.). I guess some things are absolutely protected under the Bill of Rights, but it just seems like the religious right picks and chooses what it deems as immoral, and uses morality as an excuse to legislate those things.
I also don't understand the overall goal of passing laws based on morality. Perhaps people just don't want to live in a country where those things happen. Well, I have news for ya...those things are going to happen, regardless of laws. Perhaps people think that they're saving souls, that if citizens don't have the opportunity to sin that they'll go to Heaven. I don't know if that's true, that if someone avoids sin out of a desire to stay on the right side of the law that it's the same as avoiding sin out of love of God.
What I do know is that I've never seen someone improve the way they live because they were bullied into it. I also know that I have seen people improve the way they live because they were inspired by someone's example, or touched by someone's love.
Maybe I really am a lousy Catholic because I think this way. I'd be open to hearing someone else's opinion. But this is the way I feel now.
Now, I'm about as Catholic as they come, and yet...I wonder whether we really should be legislating morality.
I guess I don't understand. For one thing, the religious right is selective about what it chooses to legislate. They go after gay marriage because they say it's immoral, and yet they don't make a move to herd people into church, or stop using the Lord's name in vain, or stop adultering (adulterating? adulterring? committing adultery.). I guess some things are absolutely protected under the Bill of Rights, but it just seems like the religious right picks and chooses what it deems as immoral, and uses morality as an excuse to legislate those things.
I also don't understand the overall goal of passing laws based on morality. Perhaps people just don't want to live in a country where those things happen. Well, I have news for ya...those things are going to happen, regardless of laws. Perhaps people think that they're saving souls, that if citizens don't have the opportunity to sin that they'll go to Heaven. I don't know if that's true, that if someone avoids sin out of a desire to stay on the right side of the law that it's the same as avoiding sin out of love of God.
What I do know is that I've never seen someone improve the way they live because they were bullied into it. I also know that I have seen people improve the way they live because they were inspired by someone's example, or touched by someone's love.
Maybe I really am a lousy Catholic because I think this way. I'd be open to hearing someone else's opinion. But this is the way I feel now.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Baptism
Last weekend we had Philo baptized.
I'm actually surprised at what a moving experience it was. Our parish has three church buildings and we had the ceremony at the same church we got married in. It was the same priest, too. It was amazing to think that it had been almost two years since we'd stood at the front of that church and said our vows. Now we were standing in front of that church again with our son.
I felt really happy that day. I felt like I was doing something very important to Philo...I was introducing him to something that would shape his life in a way few things would. But I also felt like I was inviting him to share in something that was a huge part of the way Mike and I were raised...from Sunday Mass to Catholic school, from fasting on Ash Wednesday to celebrating on Easter Sunday, from praying to patron saints to appreciating the small blessings we receive every day. Catholicism seeps into your everyday life in a way that's very pervasive if you stop and think about it. It was a big part of Mike's and my experience, and now it would be a big part of Philo's.
I was also happy because the priest mentioned what a great name Philo is. I've had a lot of people hating on the name Philo, so it was nice to hear that someone liked it. He also mentioned that Philo of Alexandria was one of the early philosophers of the church, and it's a neat coincidence considering that Philo's middle name is Alexander. Before that I had only read about St. Philo who helped St. Ignatius (I don't feel like finding a link, so just Google it if you're curious). Anyway, it was really neat.
So now Philo's been a baptized Catholic for a week. Mike and I were hoping that he might immediately become more serene and at peace, but judging by the fact that he spent some time today screaming loudly in the car, that hasn't happened. Maybe with his First Communion.
(PS - I just wanted to add that my last entry was about praying to St. Gerard to start labor. I prayed that morning, started having contractions that afternoon, and was timing them by 9 PM that night. Thanks St. Gerard!)
I'm actually surprised at what a moving experience it was. Our parish has three church buildings and we had the ceremony at the same church we got married in. It was the same priest, too. It was amazing to think that it had been almost two years since we'd stood at the front of that church and said our vows. Now we were standing in front of that church again with our son.
I felt really happy that day. I felt like I was doing something very important to Philo...I was introducing him to something that would shape his life in a way few things would. But I also felt like I was inviting him to share in something that was a huge part of the way Mike and I were raised...from Sunday Mass to Catholic school, from fasting on Ash Wednesday to celebrating on Easter Sunday, from praying to patron saints to appreciating the small blessings we receive every day. Catholicism seeps into your everyday life in a way that's very pervasive if you stop and think about it. It was a big part of Mike's and my experience, and now it would be a big part of Philo's.
I was also happy because the priest mentioned what a great name Philo is. I've had a lot of people hating on the name Philo, so it was nice to hear that someone liked it. He also mentioned that Philo of Alexandria was one of the early philosophers of the church, and it's a neat coincidence considering that Philo's middle name is Alexander. Before that I had only read about St. Philo who helped St. Ignatius (I don't feel like finding a link, so just Google it if you're curious). Anyway, it was really neat.
So now Philo's been a baptized Catholic for a week. Mike and I were hoping that he might immediately become more serene and at peace, but judging by the fact that he spent some time today screaming loudly in the car, that hasn't happened. Maybe with his First Communion.
(PS - I just wanted to add that my last entry was about praying to St. Gerard to start labor. I prayed that morning, started having contractions that afternoon, and was timing them by 9 PM that night. Thanks St. Gerard!)
Sunday, May 18, 2008
St. Gerard
I'm now 40 weeks pregnant and ready to have this child already. I've been ready for weeks, actually, but now I'm really getting impatient. Last week at church I lit a vigil candle and prayed that God take care of my labor and delivery. I prayed that everything happen according to His plan and His time, but if it didn't happen soon that he somehow grant me the patience to wait until it did.
I'm finding it really hard to wait, but there's nothing to be done. I try to console myself that everything is still happening according to God's plan, but it's hard.
It's also difficult because I've been feeling slightly abandoned by the Church at this time. I feel like I did what they wanted...I used natural family planning, when it didn't work out I kept my baby, and I'm going to raise him in the faith to the best of my ability. We're even naming him Philo Alexander* after two saints. And yet, I've been having a tough time finding information on Catholic support for pregnant or laboring women. This hurts because every other possible topic seems to be covered. Want to pray off your hangover? St. Bibiana will listen to you. Need some help whitewashing that fence? Hey, you've got St. Colman, St. Killian, and St. Totnan to assist you. There are even saints to help out with our feathered friends. But I was having a tough time finding Catholic support for women who were pregnant or facing childbirth.
Today I was looking again and stumbled upon a whole bunch of saints to help with childbirth and pregnancy. This made me happier. One of the saints was St. Gerard Majella. I found this prayer that I particularly liked:
O great Saint Gerard, beloved servant of Jesus Christ, perfect imitator of your meek and humble Savior, and devoted child of Mother of God, enkindle within my heart one spark of that heavenly fire of charity which glowed in your heart and made you an angel of love. O glorious Saint Gerard, because when falsely accused of crime, you did bear, like your Divine Master, without murmur or complaint, the calumnies of wicked men, you have been raised up by God as the patron and protector of expectant mothers. Preserve me from danger and from the excessive pains accompanying childbirth, and shield the child which I now carry, that it may see the light of day and receive the purifying and life-giving waters of baptism through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
So that made me feel better. Hopefully I'll have the strength to make it through childbirth whenever this kid decides to make his debut.
* I went to find a link to St. Alexander, and it turns out there are about a thousand of them. Yikes. However, a link to Philo was easier to find.
I'm finding it really hard to wait, but there's nothing to be done. I try to console myself that everything is still happening according to God's plan, but it's hard.
It's also difficult because I've been feeling slightly abandoned by the Church at this time. I feel like I did what they wanted...I used natural family planning, when it didn't work out I kept my baby, and I'm going to raise him in the faith to the best of my ability. We're even naming him Philo Alexander* after two saints. And yet, I've been having a tough time finding information on Catholic support for pregnant or laboring women. This hurts because every other possible topic seems to be covered. Want to pray off your hangover? St. Bibiana will listen to you. Need some help whitewashing that fence? Hey, you've got St. Colman, St. Killian, and St. Totnan to assist you. There are even saints to help out with our feathered friends. But I was having a tough time finding Catholic support for women who were pregnant or facing childbirth.
Today I was looking again and stumbled upon a whole bunch of saints to help with childbirth and pregnancy. This made me happier. One of the saints was St. Gerard Majella. I found this prayer that I particularly liked:
O great Saint Gerard, beloved servant of Jesus Christ, perfect imitator of your meek and humble Savior, and devoted child of Mother of God, enkindle within my heart one spark of that heavenly fire of charity which glowed in your heart and made you an angel of love. O glorious Saint Gerard, because when falsely accused of crime, you did bear, like your Divine Master, without murmur or complaint, the calumnies of wicked men, you have been raised up by God as the patron and protector of expectant mothers. Preserve me from danger and from the excessive pains accompanying childbirth, and shield the child which I now carry, that it may see the light of day and receive the purifying and life-giving waters of baptism through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
So that made me feel better. Hopefully I'll have the strength to make it through childbirth whenever this kid decides to make his debut.
* I went to find a link to St. Alexander, and it turns out there are about a thousand of them. Yikes. However, a link to Philo was easier to find.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Palm Sunday
Today was Palm Sunday, which meant that we were going to get some palms at church. This is always a little awkward for me because we have lots of palms already but few places to put them. Our cats are pretty adventurous and love to chew on palms so there are not that many places we can put them where the cats won't get to them. We already have two behind our cross in the living room, and more on a shelf waiting for me to hang another picture we can stick them behind.
"You can never throw away palms, you can only burn them," I said to Mike as we walked to church. "I wonder how that works."
"You bring them to the parish office," Mike said.
"Really?" I asked.
"I don't know," he shrugged. "But they make the Ash Wednesday ashes out of the palms, so they must collect them somehow."
"But you never hear about a big palm collection," I said. "You can bury an American flag, at least. But you can't bury a palm."
"You can't bury a flag," Mike said, "there's this big ceremony for flags. I've been to one."
"I'm pretty sure it's okay to just bury it too. But you can't ever just bury a palm," I said.
Sure enough, we went to church and a little kid handed us each a palm. But then Mike's palm cracked into two separate fronds, so we had three.
After Mass we walked home and I said, "I think you can fold the palms into crosses. Maybe I'll Google palm origami when we get home and turn them into crosses."
So I did.
Two of the crosses came out good, but one was very lopsided. It was just very resistant to folding. I thought about putting a dot of hot glue on the back to hold it together, but I don't think you're supposed to hot glue holy objects.
So now I have three palm crosses. I suppose I'll hang one in Philo's room, and put another on a shelf in the living room. I also read that palms can be burned during storms while you pray for protection, so I guess the lopsided cross and the old palms will go into a box to be saved for that.
Next winter I'm going to see about giving them to someone to be burned. I feel bad about constantly hoarding my palms.
"You can never throw away palms, you can only burn them," I said to Mike as we walked to church. "I wonder how that works."
"You bring them to the parish office," Mike said.
"Really?" I asked.
"I don't know," he shrugged. "But they make the Ash Wednesday ashes out of the palms, so they must collect them somehow."
"But you never hear about a big palm collection," I said. "You can bury an American flag, at least. But you can't bury a palm."
"You can't bury a flag," Mike said, "there's this big ceremony for flags. I've been to one."
"I'm pretty sure it's okay to just bury it too. But you can't ever just bury a palm," I said.
Sure enough, we went to church and a little kid handed us each a palm. But then Mike's palm cracked into two separate fronds, so we had three.
After Mass we walked home and I said, "I think you can fold the palms into crosses. Maybe I'll Google palm origami when we get home and turn them into crosses."
So I did.
Two of the crosses came out good, but one was very lopsided. It was just very resistant to folding. I thought about putting a dot of hot glue on the back to hold it together, but I don't think you're supposed to hot glue holy objects.
So now I have three palm crosses. I suppose I'll hang one in Philo's room, and put another on a shelf in the living room. I also read that palms can be burned during storms while you pray for protection, so I guess the lopsided cross and the old palms will go into a box to be saved for that.
Next winter I'm going to see about giving them to someone to be burned. I feel bad about constantly hoarding my palms.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Bah
My belly is now big enough that I have trouble kneeling in church. If I kneel with my back straight my belly bumps into the back of the pew in front of me. If I kneel and stick my butt out I feel off-balance. So now I kneel and rest my butt on the seat of the pew behind me, which makes me feel silly.
You'd think that a religion with such stereotypically large families and frequently pregnant mothers would have come up with a solution to this, but apparently not.
You'd think that a religion with such stereotypically large families and frequently pregnant mothers would have come up with a solution to this, but apparently not.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Worry
Today in church the priest was talking about people who wind up entrapped by daily life...things like bad relationships, loneliness, disappointing circumstances, things like that. One of the things he named was worry.
Now, this made me sit up a little straighter and listen because I worry quite a bit. People tell me that I shouldn't, but that's like telling someone not to blink or breathe. Worry comes naturally to me. So I was curious to hear what he was going to say.
He started saying, "How many of you worry about..." and filling in pretty mundane things. But then he started talking about bigger problems. The war. Homelessness. Things like that. And that made me feel even worse because although I worry a lot, the perimeter of my worry runs exactly along my pregnant belly. I do think about other things - my husband's job, the fact that I'll be looking for a new job for the fall, my health - but mostly in terms of how they'll impact the baby. Right now most of my thoughts and concerns are directly related to the child I'm carrying. Perhaps this is how it has to be right now...I only have so much energy, and the baby takes up a lot. But it makes me feel awful because not too long ago I was concerned about the war, homelessness, hunger, other peoples' well-being. Now unless it happens at work or might affect my baby it's almost completely off my radar.
I still do things to improve the world. I still commute over an hour each way to work at a high school full of needy, impoverished kids. I still tutor people who can't speak English every week. I still go to church and do what I can for the environment.* None of that has changed. And maybe since I'm doing things, worrying about things isn't as essential. Still, I feel bad that I don't have concern for everyone and everything like I used to.
So, I'm not sure. I guess I don't know where to draw the line between being compassionate and being a worrywart, between nurturing my family and closing out the outside world. Since care and concern for others is one of the main qualities I want to instill in my son and keep up in myself I'll have to think about this more.
* My biggest contribution lately has been ordering cloth diapers for the baby...yeah, I know, more baby stuff.
Now, this made me sit up a little straighter and listen because I worry quite a bit. People tell me that I shouldn't, but that's like telling someone not to blink or breathe. Worry comes naturally to me. So I was curious to hear what he was going to say.
He started saying, "How many of you worry about..." and filling in pretty mundane things. But then he started talking about bigger problems. The war. Homelessness. Things like that. And that made me feel even worse because although I worry a lot, the perimeter of my worry runs exactly along my pregnant belly. I do think about other things - my husband's job, the fact that I'll be looking for a new job for the fall, my health - but mostly in terms of how they'll impact the baby. Right now most of my thoughts and concerns are directly related to the child I'm carrying. Perhaps this is how it has to be right now...I only have so much energy, and the baby takes up a lot. But it makes me feel awful because not too long ago I was concerned about the war, homelessness, hunger, other peoples' well-being. Now unless it happens at work or might affect my baby it's almost completely off my radar.
I still do things to improve the world. I still commute over an hour each way to work at a high school full of needy, impoverished kids. I still tutor people who can't speak English every week. I still go to church and do what I can for the environment.* None of that has changed. And maybe since I'm doing things, worrying about things isn't as essential. Still, I feel bad that I don't have concern for everyone and everything like I used to.
So, I'm not sure. I guess I don't know where to draw the line between being compassionate and being a worrywart, between nurturing my family and closing out the outside world. Since care and concern for others is one of the main qualities I want to instill in my son and keep up in myself I'll have to think about this more.
* My biggest contribution lately has been ordering cloth diapers for the baby...yeah, I know, more baby stuff.
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