Answered Prayers

I always hate calling people because I'm afraid I'm going to catch them at a bad time or bother them, but I'm never shy about praying. I pray for big things and little things, abstract things and concrete things, things for my life and things for others' lives. If it bothers me I pray about it.

One thing that does make me wonder, though, is how I know if my prayer has been answered. I rarely pray for concrete outcomes - mostly when I or someone I know is faced with a challenge I just pray, "Please help everyone through this time," or "Let everything turn out the best way it can." Since things usually turn out okay I just assume God was helping everyone through it. The thing that trips me up is when I pray for guidance. How do I know what to do?

When I was younger, like a teenager, I would occasionally pray very fervently for guidance. And after that I would sometimes feel a very strong...inclination, I guess you would say. Like I had a hunch about what I was praying about. I knew what I had to do.

Now when I pray for guidance I sometimes feel a hunch...but it's also usually an issue that I've thought about, asked others about, and heard opinions about. I can never tell if my hunch is what God wants me to do, what my friends or family wants me to do, or just plain what I want to do. I can't tell what's making me decide the things I decide.

When I was younger I kept to myself quite a bit, so there were usually thorny problems* that I discussed only with myself and God. Now I have good friends and a wonderful husband to bounce ideas off of, which is great...but it does cause more interference. Or maybe it's a lack of earnestness...I don't do much down-on-my-knees, crying, I-don't-know-what-to-do type of praying anymore. Or maybe it's some other failing on my part. Maybe if I was a better Catholic I'd be able to discern God's will more readily and know what He wants me to do.

This sort of thing doesn't come up daily, but it does come up when I start thinking about things like natural family planning. If I don't figure out how to be more receptive soon I'm going to have to stop praying, "Please help me to know the right thing to do," and start praying, "Please let me stumble into the right thing somehow."






* Thorny to an emotional, hormonal teenager anyway :)

Mass Online

Last weekend Mike and I were in Ohio for a friend's wedding. After we booked our hotel room our friend told us that it was in a not-so-nice part of Columbus. When we got there I learned two things:

1. Our hotel was actually on the edge of the not-so-nice part of town

2. Columbus is a whole lot bigger than I thought it was

Actually, Columbus is the biggest city in Ohio, even bigger than Milwaukee. And since we were in a less-than-wonderful area of a bigger city than I'm used to, I was nervous. We found a big street and drove up and down it, exploring, but other than that we stuck close to our hotel, our friend's apartment, and the bride's parents' house, where the ceremony was held.

Now, usually that's not really a problem, except that the second day of our trip was Sunday, and that meant that I had to find a Mass. Normally when we're taking a weekend trip I just hit the 7 PM Mass at a nearby church when we get back on Sunday night. But this time we weren't flying back until Monday morning. I wasn't thrilled about driving off when I didn't know the area, so I did the next best thing. I found Mass on the Internet.

Now, I know this isn't the best thing to do. I should find a church to go to instead, because Mass on the Internet and Mass on TV is really designed for shut-ins. But I also felt that I didn't want to get carjacked, so this seemed like a compromise.

Awhile back I wrote about watching Mass on TV instead of going to church, and how much I didn't like the experience. Mass on the Internet is no better. Actually, I liked it even less. The thing that bothered me most was not the lack of community or the slight guilty feeling I felt, although those were present too. Instead, the thing I liked the least was the convenience of it.

I know that sounds weird, but let me explain. The whole Sunday morning routine - waking up early even though you don't have to work, walking to church in the sun or rain or snow, sitting there for an hour taking it all in - makes me feel God's presence more in my life. Carving out an hour for Him and pushing everything else aside - my desire to sleep, the book I was reading, or the show I was watching - makes me realize how important He is. We make time for the things that are important to us, and every Sunday morning I realize how important God is as I make the time for church.

Mass on the Internet is too convenient. Being able to fit religion in at my leisure, when it suits me, cheapens it somehow. It makes my priorities seem off. It's hard to explain...I guess that I like having to put God ahead of everything, even if only for an hour a week. Having a pre-recorded Mass available whenever you want to watch it just isn't the same.

So the next time we're in Ohio I'll have to ask my friend where the good parts of Columbus are so we can go to a real Mass. Nothing else is really the same.

Holy Days of Obligation

Today was a Holy Day of Obligation for Catholics. When Mike and I went to Mass the priest mentioned that he likes Holy Days of Obligation, which made me happy because I like them too. The novelty of it - going to church on a day that isn't Sunday, going to a Mass where there isn't insturmental music* and the whole Mass goes slightly different - makes it fresher and makes you more mindful of the whole experience. That's also why I like Lent...it's something that jars you from your routine and makes you more mindful of having God in your daily life.

So hooray for Holy Days of Obligation!





* I don't think this is a universal Catholic thing...it's just that the woman who plays organ apparently only does it on Sundays, not weekdays.