Musings

Getting to Mass has been more difficult lately because of the morning sickness. I get it all day, but mostly in the morning and evenings, so it's tough to get there. This morning Mike and I were walking up the sidewalk to church and I groaned, "Oh, I don't feel good."

"We can go to church later," he said.

"No, that wouldn't be any better," I replied.

"We could go home and watch Mass on TV," he said. "Or Mass on the internet."

"No, we can't do that!" I exclaimed. "I need to bless the baby!"

Ever since I found out I was pregnant I've been doing this. I always enter the church and dip my fingers in the holy water to make the sign of the cross, and then I take the excess moisture on my fingertips and make a tiny sign of the cross over my belly where I estimate the baby is.

I do realize that the holy water is supposed to remind me of baptism, and the kid hasn't been baptized yet. However, it does make me feel better. So far nobody has noticed me doing this, but I kind of wonder what remarks I'll get if anyone ever does. I wonder if it's even allowed. But then again, Catholics do believe that life begins at conception. Why can't holy water begin there too?

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Lately I've been thinking a lot about why my birth control failed. Now, don't think at all that I regret getting pregnant...there's nothing I want more than a healthy pregnancy that results in a healthy baby. But when you make a plan and it turns out so differently than how you planned it would, I think it's natural to look back and try to figure out why.

Here's the thing I learned about Natural Family Planning...there is no fudge factor. With other birth control methods, there's a little wiggle room. You can have sex without a condom once and you might not get pregnant. You can forget a birth control pill or two and not get pregnant. But with NFP...man. Those days you can't have sex are the days you WILL get pregnant. Not might get pregnant. WILL GET PREGNANT. Even on your least fertile day, you're still fertile. So if you try and fudge it like I did you'll just wind up like I did...pregnant.

So yeah. I still think it's a great method for birth control, and I want to try it again after my cycles go back to normal. But I'm sure as heck going to take it a little more seriously.

Obligations

Recently the school district where I work had planned to hold a meeting this evening. The meeting would have been two hours long and would take place after school. They gave us a grand total of three days' notice. Needless to say, everyone was upset, and when the teachers' union started grumbling they rescheduled the meeting for November 1st so everyone would have time to plan to be there.

Yeah. November 1st. All Saint's Day. A Holy Day of Obligation for Catholics.

I was pretty upset because I actually go to Mass during Holy Days of Obligation. I've only missed one since Mike and I got serious about going back to church during our engagement. It was January 1st this year, and that's because Mike was sick with a respiratory infection. This was before his asthma was controlled, so he sat in bed the whole day wheezing and puffing on his inhaler. I was afraid to leave him alone, and wanted to be around in case he needed to go to the hospital. I know you're excused from church if you're sick, but I'm not sure if that counts for caring for a sick spouse too. Anyway, I'm pretty faithful about going, just like I'm faithful about showing up to Mass every Sunday.

I'm not sure what rights I have as far as my religious observance. The meeting ends at 5:45, and Mass begins at my church at 6 PM. That's problematic since I have an hour-long commute. I suppose they could tell me to just go to church in the city where I work, or find a Mass that starts at 7 PM in a different city. But I really want to go to my church with my husband. There are three versions of the meeting going on at three different times, and while I'm supposed to go to the latest meeting I suppose I could ask to go to the earliest. I don't know.

I guess there's two reasons that I'm hesitant to to play the religious observance card. First of all, I've done quite a bit of complaining this year already about my work conditions, and I've had to call in sick once already because of morning sickness. I'll have to call in sick again next week to go to my first OB appointment too. I feel like I'm not in a position to ask for more favors. But the other reason is, I know that not too many Catholics make a big deal about the Holy Days of Obligation. Most other Catholics in my department will just shrug and skip Mass without a second thought. I'm really afraid of seeming like I'm looking for things to complain about.

Come to think of it, I'm not sure if I have any rights at all as far as religious observance goes. I know my students do, but I'm not sure if I, as an employee, have any.

I have to figure this out. I want to go to Mass for sure...I just need to figure out a way.