Life is Beautiful

This week I drove to Racine to do some shopping for the apartment. Even though I’ve been living here for a year now I felt that the apartment still needed to be girl-ified a little, so I went and found things on sale: curtains, hooks to keep the curtains back, a large basket to stash our board games in, a big glass vase, and silk flowers. When I was done arranging these things in the living room the place looked a lot more like home to me.

That evening I spent some much-needed time cuddling with Mike, and then headed off to work for my 11 PM shift. I had to park quite far from the building because the streets around it were closed for the annual Bastille Days festival. It started the next day but they were setting up that night. After I was done with work about twenty minutes later I headed back to my car. Even though I had to walk a few blocks of strange territory late at night, it wasn’t so bad. I made sure not to walk too timidly, and before long I was at my car.

As I waited at a red light I looked at some of Milwaukee’s taller buildings, including the beautiful Wisconsin Gas building. The streets were quiet as I turned onto Van Buren Avenue to head home. Just then the CD in my car started playing Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah,” which was one of the songs played at the end of my wedding reception. As I drove along I realized it was one of those moments that felt perfect…it was a beautiful, warm night, I was driving along the streets of a city that finally felt like home, and even though I felt like I could go anywhere tonight, I was coming home to a cozy apartment and a husband I loved. I was free and secure and loved and overwhelmed and excited all at once. Part of me wanted to laugh and part of me wanted to cry at the enormity of it all, but instead I just kept singing along to the song playing in my car.

I think that like most people I spend a lot of time striving for the next goal, concentrating on the next milestone. I think that’s fine…it encourages you to get ahead. But in my case, it also makes me feel like I’m constantly lacking. Instead of thinking about the things I’ve done or the blessings I have, I just have my eye on the next goal. Luckily I also have moments like the one I had that night, when I realize that life is so full and so beautiful that I get almost giddy.

I need to figure out how to have more of those moments.