Lately I've had the urge to become pregnant. Now. Yesterday. I find this odd because not too many years ago I was positive that I'd never get married, let alone have kids. I was tossing around the idea of fostering once I was in my 30's, but I never figured I'd be anyone's biological mom.
Now the urge to have kids has hit so hard and so suddenly that I'm sure it must be some type of biological imperative. Some primitive part of my brain has kicked in...you've got a male, so now it's time to reproduce.
It's made me realize, I have no idea how you decide to start a family. Normally I'd ask my mom, who has also been the recipient of questions such as, "How do you know when you're ready to get married?" and "How do you know when you're ready to buy a house?" However, I think that if I mentioned it to my mom she'd just say, "As soon as possible," because she really wants to be a grandma.
Mike's mom would say, "As soon as Mike gets paid enough so that you can quit as soon as you get pregnant," because she assumes I'll stop everything to be a housewife. Which I won't. That'll be a fun conversation.
My friends won't be much more help, I think. My friend Erica just gave up on her birth control, and figured that whatever happens, happens. Unfortunately, practicing NFP means that not only am I aware of when I can't get pregnant, it means I'm aware of the days I can. So I really can't get "accidentally" knocked up. My friend Jen just had a baby and is trying to convince me that it's something I have to do immediately. My friend Meghan is probably my most level-headed friend, who would probably help me formulate a plan to determine financial and emotional readiness, but even that seems insufficient somehow. There's got to be some other indicator...something...bigger.
Mike is another person to inquire, of course. He's sort of torn, like I am. Part of him wants a child, but part of him thinks we're not ready. He thinks we should have a house, probably because his family always had a house. To me, that's not as big a deal...when I was a kid my family lived in two apartments, a trailer, and a flat before my parents bought their first house.
For me, something seems to be...missing. When you go to start a family in full knowledge of what you're doing, it seems like there should be some reason other than procreation, or finances, or things like that. But I don't know what that is. I suppose I should pray about it, but right now I'm not sure whether it's my body or my soul that wants a child, and I'm not sure how I'd tell the difference.
I almost wish I could get pregnant accidentally sometime in the future, because I'm always better at dealing with the results of my decisions than making the decisions myself.
I don't plan on getting pregnant any time soon, but I do need to figure out how you know when you're supposed to.
On the other hand, I told my brother that if he got Confirmed he could be my prospective offspring's godfather. He seemed to consider the idea, and he also said that if I had a kid he'd babysit on the weekends. So at least that's covered :-)
3 comments:
a prearranged babysitter is an excellent thing :)
personally, i'd recommend having a house. kids like stability and routine. that's the one thing that i wish we could have offered boy was that kind of stability because he really did (and still does) love his routine and the stability. also, a house usually has sufficient room for kids. apartments can be difficult with that.
however, there is one thing i know about becoming pregnant and having kids...very few people are ever *really* ready and all set.
Danulai,
I just happened to come across your blog today. I like it. You take the issues seriously and struggle with them - a sign of a living faith.
NFP is not the end all and be all though. I think it's based on some of the Catholic Church's bad theology. It completely based on the physical and leaves no room for intention. With both condoms and NFP the intention is to not have kids or to plan when to have them. The only difference is whether you physically block the sperm or you choose not to block it but at time that it doesn't matter.
The argument against gay sex is exactly the same as the one against condoms. Both are considered sex that is physically "unnatural" that prevents a pregnancy. The way that official Catholic theology now stands, if you are against condoms, you should be against a loving life-long committed gay couple have sex. The intention is meaningless. There is only one specific way sexually to make use of a penis and vagina. I love my Catholic faith, but that part of it is just plain silly to me.
A Faithful Catholic
NFP is a good thing and it's hard to understand until you actualy try it. It will bring you closer to your husband and Christ. If you wait until your totally ready to have a child you will never have child. Keep praying.
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