This weekend Mike and I went camping, so we were out of town on Sunday morning. We decided that rather than go to church in the little town where we were staying, we'd just wait and go to church Sunday night in Milwaukee. So that's what we did. The only problem was our parish doesn't have Sunday night Masses, so we had to go to another church nearby.
Going to this church was actually kind of nostalgic. When Mike found out that I wanted to start attending church again he volunteered to go with me, so we went to this one because of the nighttime Mass. I think we only went once or twice...we soon found out that getting out of the apartment at night was actually harder than going first thing in the morning. However, it was still nice to go back.
They have a new priest there...well, a priest that's new to the parish anyway. He looked to be in his early sixties. I liked him on sight...he was thin, bald, stooped, and had thick glasses. He looked like he had spent a lot of time both studying and fasting, and he seemed like an appropriate guide for our journey through Mass.
The service was nice. It felt a little awkward because the melodies are different, the responses are different, but the overall Mass is so similar that you feel that you should be keeping up. Overall, though, I enjoyed it. It's nice to know that if we somehow miss the Masses at our home church, we have another nice church to go to.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
This is not the dumbest thing I've thought of
I posted in my other blog about how I wanted to try Natural Family Planning. I was shocked at how critical the reaction was. After reading Marc's statistics - which I really think are based on the Rhythm Method, not Fertility Awareness - Mike got very uneasy, and told me that he thinks that NFP is too risky to try. So it's back to the pills for me. All in all, this has been a huge disappointment. Mike told me that I could keep researching and reading about it, but I'd rather not. If he's going to chicken out in the end, then I'd rather not get my heart set on it more than I already have. I was really looking forward to not worrying about taking a pill at 9 PM every night, not being concerned if I missed one, not worrying about a future that featured cancer or blood clots or any of the other nasty side-effects that can come when you take birth control pills.
So, yeah. So much for that little experiment.
It does raise an interesting point, though. In both the posting on my blog and in my conversations with friends, they've questioned my motivation for trying NFP, which is my religion. There are other reasons I want to try it - reasons too personal, too numerous, and too irrelevant to the topic to go into here - but when they hear "Natural Family Planning," they instantly think "Catholic brainwashing."
Most of the time when I make choices that people disagree with, they say I'm nuts but don't pursue it much farther than that. When I renew my contract year after year at my poor urban high school, my friends roll their eyes but say they understand my decision. When I told Mike that I was going to start using menstrual cups because it was healthier for both me and the environment, he said it was weird, but it was also my body. When I chose to buy my Chevy Prizm based on the fact that it reminded me of my Geo Metro, my friends just shrugged and didn't say a word about researching warranties or resale value or reliability.
But when I make a choice and cite my religion as an influence in that decision, suddenly I'm wrong.
I hate to break it to everyone, but the vast majority of my decisions aren't based on scientific facts or hours of research. I buy things on a whim, I take the easy route, I cave in to peer pressure, I make decisions that will result in an immediate gain without considering the long-term repercussions. In short, I make choices for dumb reasons. I'm shocked that people consider my religious values to be worse criteria than other standards I've used.
Seriously, people. Let's think about this.
So, yeah. So much for that little experiment.
It does raise an interesting point, though. In both the posting on my blog and in my conversations with friends, they've questioned my motivation for trying NFP, which is my religion. There are other reasons I want to try it - reasons too personal, too numerous, and too irrelevant to the topic to go into here - but when they hear "Natural Family Planning," they instantly think "Catholic brainwashing."
Most of the time when I make choices that people disagree with, they say I'm nuts but don't pursue it much farther than that. When I renew my contract year after year at my poor urban high school, my friends roll their eyes but say they understand my decision. When I told Mike that I was going to start using menstrual cups because it was healthier for both me and the environment, he said it was weird, but it was also my body. When I chose to buy my Chevy Prizm based on the fact that it reminded me of my Geo Metro, my friends just shrugged and didn't say a word about researching warranties or resale value or reliability.
But when I make a choice and cite my religion as an influence in that decision, suddenly I'm wrong.
I hate to break it to everyone, but the vast majority of my decisions aren't based on scientific facts or hours of research. I buy things on a whim, I take the easy route, I cave in to peer pressure, I make decisions that will result in an immediate gain without considering the long-term repercussions. In short, I make choices for dumb reasons. I'm shocked that people consider my religious values to be worse criteria than other standards I've used.
Seriously, people. Let's think about this.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
NFP & FAM
Today Mike and I took a tour around town, and one of the places we stopped was the mall. After we ate lunch Mike suggested that we stop in Borders* so I can look for a book Jen recommended to me called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's partially about how to concieve, but it also has detailed information about the Fertility Awareness Method, which is a big part of Natural Family Planning. The big difference is that in FAM couples use condoms during the fertile period, while NFP couples abstain completely.
Sorry, Mike.
Anyway, it's not something that I'm going to do for sure, it's just something I'm checking out. Mike is pretty apprehensive, and I can't say I blame him. The thought of trying it makes me nervous too, but if it seems like it would work it's something I'd love to attempt.
So we'll see.
* Mike works for a bookstore, but not Borders. In my defense, though, his bookstore didn't have the book in stock and it was taking forever to come in, so I felt justified in going somewhere else. Mike kept his head down the whole time, though.
Sorry, Mike.
Anyway, it's not something that I'm going to do for sure, it's just something I'm checking out. Mike is pretty apprehensive, and I can't say I blame him. The thought of trying it makes me nervous too, but if it seems like it would work it's something I'd love to attempt.
So we'll see.
* Mike works for a bookstore, but not Borders. In my defense, though, his bookstore didn't have the book in stock and it was taking forever to come in, so I felt justified in going somewhere else. Mike kept his head down the whole time, though.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Responding to Comments
Recently Dykewife pointed out a link to a book on Natural Family Planning. I've been thinking about trying NFP for some time, but I've been having a tough time finding good information on just what it entails, and not simply why it's right. My body rarely cooperates in the schemes I have for it, and I think it might rebel if I ditched my birth control pills and just tried to anticipate my periods the natural way.
Anyway, the book she found is here. And it costs over two hundred dollars. Now, I'm curious, but not two hundred dollars worth of curious. Luckily Amazon came to the rescue with this listing. Twenty bucks is much more managable. And I did my grocery shopping at a new store this week, which saved me twenty bucks off my normal bill. So perhaps I can get it.
She also asked me what I'm giving up for Lent. I'm not really giving anything up, I guess. When I was in college I had a priest who said that the Lenten sacrifice was supposed to increase your spirituality and faith. You could do that just as easily by doing something as by giving something up. Last year I covered both sides by giving up Cadbury Creme Eggs (a real sacrifice, believe me!) and also reciting the Prayer of St Francis every day before work as a reminder about how to be.
This year I've decided to do something different. One of my big personality flaws is my tendency to worry. I worry about everything, and I feel the need to take care of everything and everyone. Oftentimes I feel like I have to not only look out for myself, but also for Mike, my students, my friends and family, the environment, and everything else. I know it sounds quite self-centered, but it's not, really...it's just that I want everyone taken care of. So this Lent I decided that whenever I worry, I'll say a little prayer to God asking for His help and guidance. It's a little reminder that not only am I not personally responsible for the well-being of the world, but that there's a plan for me besides the one I've thought up, and I have to be aware that things won't always go my way.
It's a surprisingly difficult resolution to keep. Luckily I wasn't like Mike, who gave up both french fries and using the internet at home. I don't know what he was thinking.
Anyway, the book she found is here. And it costs over two hundred dollars. Now, I'm curious, but not two hundred dollars worth of curious. Luckily Amazon came to the rescue with this listing. Twenty bucks is much more managable. And I did my grocery shopping at a new store this week, which saved me twenty bucks off my normal bill. So perhaps I can get it.
She also asked me what I'm giving up for Lent. I'm not really giving anything up, I guess. When I was in college I had a priest who said that the Lenten sacrifice was supposed to increase your spirituality and faith. You could do that just as easily by doing something as by giving something up. Last year I covered both sides by giving up Cadbury Creme Eggs (a real sacrifice, believe me!) and also reciting the Prayer of St Francis every day before work as a reminder about how to be.
This year I've decided to do something different. One of my big personality flaws is my tendency to worry. I worry about everything, and I feel the need to take care of everything and everyone. Oftentimes I feel like I have to not only look out for myself, but also for Mike, my students, my friends and family, the environment, and everything else. I know it sounds quite self-centered, but it's not, really...it's just that I want everyone taken care of. So this Lent I decided that whenever I worry, I'll say a little prayer to God asking for His help and guidance. It's a little reminder that not only am I not personally responsible for the well-being of the world, but that there's a plan for me besides the one I've thought up, and I have to be aware that things won't always go my way.
It's a surprisingly difficult resolution to keep. Luckily I wasn't like Mike, who gave up both french fries and using the internet at home. I don't know what he was thinking.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Grandpa & the Card
My grandfather recently had a total hip replacement and I wanted to send him a get-well card. I drew him a cartoon of a surgeon exclaiming, "Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was..." Next to him one nurse was saying, "Does he say that during every joint replacement procedure?" and the other nurse was rolling her eyes and saying, "Every single time."
I decided that a handmade card was a little bit elementary school, so I wanted another card to send. I figured I could fold up the cartoon and place it inside. At the store I selected a religious card that said something about God guiding his recovery, and inside I wrote, "We lit a candle at church for you and we're praying for you. Feel better soon!"
After I wrote it I was a little bit torn. Whenever someone's having a tough time medically I do pray, but it's not my first instinct. I'll pray before bed that night, but that morning I'll be making food or cleaning the house. I'm pretty practical. Sending this religious card was making me feel like I was making myself out to be some uber-Catholic, and I knew I wasn't.
My grandparents, however, are uber-Catholics. I knew that my Grandpa would appreciate my offer to pray more than anything else I could do. This was less about my own self-image and more about offering my grandfather comfort in the way that would be most meaningful to him.
So I sent the super-religious card. I hope it makes him feel better.
I decided that a handmade card was a little bit elementary school, so I wanted another card to send. I figured I could fold up the cartoon and place it inside. At the store I selected a religious card that said something about God guiding his recovery, and inside I wrote, "We lit a candle at church for you and we're praying for you. Feel better soon!"
After I wrote it I was a little bit torn. Whenever someone's having a tough time medically I do pray, but it's not my first instinct. I'll pray before bed that night, but that morning I'll be making food or cleaning the house. I'm pretty practical. Sending this religious card was making me feel like I was making myself out to be some uber-Catholic, and I knew I wasn't.
My grandparents, however, are uber-Catholics. I knew that my Grandpa would appreciate my offer to pray more than anything else I could do. This was less about my own self-image and more about offering my grandfather comfort in the way that would be most meaningful to him.
So I sent the super-religious card. I hope it makes him feel better.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Ash Wednesday
Today is Ash Wednesday, which is the first day of Lent. I actually really enjoy Lent. Part of the reason is because Easter is my very favorite holiday - the weather's getting warmer, it's the biggest day of the church year, I get to see my family. And while it's starting to catch up with Christmas in terms of commericalism all of the Easter stuff is pastel, which is soothing, at least. Lent is a reminder that Easter is coming.
I also like Lent, though, because of the sacrifices we make. During Lent I have to be extra-vigilant to keep up with my Lenten promise of whatever I'm giving up. I have to plan my meals to be vegetarian every Friday. Every night I read the little black Lent book I get from church. It sort of forces me to arrange pieces of my life around my religion, and it makes my religion that much more tangible. Too often I force religion into the spaces that aren't occupied by my job, or my relationships, or my hobbies, and after awhile it seems to diminish the presence of my religion. But having to go out of my way to honor Lent makes me realize just how important it is.
So while most people are either annoyed at or ignoring the idea of going to Mass tonight, I'm looking forward to it. I'm hoping it'll be a good Lent.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
For Better...Forever! - Part III
So I’ve finally gotten around to finishing my review of For Better…Forever! This is the stuff I didn’t like, and I wanted to take my time on it so I could deal with it fairly and evenhandedly. I know the author is never, ever going to read this blog, but I still want to be fair.
One thing I didn’t appreciate was his tone. When he got to the chapter on sex he began talking a lot about how pagans “stole” sex and twisted it around and perverted it. After re-reading the passage a few times I still couldn’t decide if he was using the term pagan to mean actual pagans, or if he was using it in the obnoxious way some people do, to refer to all non-members of your religion. For example, some Catholics will refer to all non-Catholics as pagans, some Fundamentalists will refer to all non-Fundies as pagans, etc. I find that to be distasteful. There was also a point where he said that he would personally come to the house of anyone who read his book and still used the threat of divorce in an argument and cut out their tongue. Which, if you think about it, is kind of silly, since that type of violence is as much of a sin as threatening to end a marriage. But yeah, the cutting out my tongue thing made me lose a lot of love for this author.
The biggest thing that irritated me about the book, though, was the following passage. It’s from a section of the book where he talks about couples that are truly unified and truly equal, and how they resolve conflicts.
…all decisions that affect the family should be made with the full cooperation of the husband and wife (and possibly the children). Further, decisions must not be made on the basis of who has more power, or whose turn it is to “win”; rather, they should be made on the basis of whose idea more clearly benefits the general good of the family. Therefore, in most instances, the husband and wife will be just as willing to defer to each other, just as Christ demands (cf. Eph 5:21). However, there will be times when either emergencies occur, or when consultation among the family members yields no clear winning answer. In these times, assuming the man is deferring to Christ (cf. Eph 5:21) and has the good of the family foremost in his heart and mind, the man would cast the deciding ballot. This designation is a result of the qualities God ordained Adam to emphasize, qualities that, assuming he is acting in deference to Christ and truly has the good of the family as his foremost thought, make him more likely to be able to discern God’s will for his family.
As funny as it sounds, I prefer people who blindly say, “The Bible says the man is the boss” because they only have a basic grasp of the message. This guy, though, is saying that the man is more likely to understand and relay the will of God. What makes Mike more able to understand God than me? Would a female saint married to an oblivious man be less able to understand God’s will just because of her femininity? It bothers me, especially when he’s not able to pinpoint just what these “qualities” are. For some reason, saying I should just submit is much less abrasive than saying that I should submit because I have a lesser relationship with God.
Overall it was an interesting book. However, it wasn’t written by a priest or a theologian. With this book I have a luxury that I don’t have with really religious teachings – I can take the parts that I agree with and just ignore the rest.
One thing I didn’t appreciate was his tone. When he got to the chapter on sex he began talking a lot about how pagans “stole” sex and twisted it around and perverted it. After re-reading the passage a few times I still couldn’t decide if he was using the term pagan to mean actual pagans, or if he was using it in the obnoxious way some people do, to refer to all non-members of your religion. For example, some Catholics will refer to all non-Catholics as pagans, some Fundamentalists will refer to all non-Fundies as pagans, etc. I find that to be distasteful. There was also a point where he said that he would personally come to the house of anyone who read his book and still used the threat of divorce in an argument and cut out their tongue. Which, if you think about it, is kind of silly, since that type of violence is as much of a sin as threatening to end a marriage. But yeah, the cutting out my tongue thing made me lose a lot of love for this author.
The biggest thing that irritated me about the book, though, was the following passage. It’s from a section of the book where he talks about couples that are truly unified and truly equal, and how they resolve conflicts.
…all decisions that affect the family should be made with the full cooperation of the husband and wife (and possibly the children). Further, decisions must not be made on the basis of who has more power, or whose turn it is to “win”; rather, they should be made on the basis of whose idea more clearly benefits the general good of the family. Therefore, in most instances, the husband and wife will be just as willing to defer to each other, just as Christ demands (cf. Eph 5:21). However, there will be times when either emergencies occur, or when consultation among the family members yields no clear winning answer. In these times, assuming the man is deferring to Christ (cf. Eph 5:21) and has the good of the family foremost in his heart and mind, the man would cast the deciding ballot. This designation is a result of the qualities God ordained Adam to emphasize, qualities that, assuming he is acting in deference to Christ and truly has the good of the family as his foremost thought, make him more likely to be able to discern God’s will for his family.
As funny as it sounds, I prefer people who blindly say, “The Bible says the man is the boss” because they only have a basic grasp of the message. This guy, though, is saying that the man is more likely to understand and relay the will of God. What makes Mike more able to understand God than me? Would a female saint married to an oblivious man be less able to understand God’s will just because of her femininity? It bothers me, especially when he’s not able to pinpoint just what these “qualities” are. For some reason, saying I should just submit is much less abrasive than saying that I should submit because I have a lesser relationship with God.
Overall it was an interesting book. However, it wasn’t written by a priest or a theologian. With this book I have a luxury that I don’t have with really religious teachings – I can take the parts that I agree with and just ignore the rest.
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